You Know You're From Canada When...

You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

The mosquitoes have landing lights.

You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.

You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.

Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.

You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.

At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.

The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.

You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.

You head south to go to your cottage.

You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo - it's sausage making.

You find -40 degrees (celsius) a little chilly.

The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.

You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels.

You can play road hockey on skates.

You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.

The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.

You know what a "vendor" is, and you have said "Grab me an Extra Old Stock for last call. I'm going to hit the vendor, and we can head back to my place."

You find it interesting to guess the gender of the person under all those clothes.

Skinner's, Kelekis, Salisbury House, Bridge Drive-In, and perogies from the church basement are all you need to survive. And the vendor - don't forget that.

Manitoba is so flat that, on a clear day, you can see the back of your own head.

You've caught a 50-pound channel catfish, and thrown it back. Too small. Who wants a muck-raking, scum-sucking bottom feeder unless it has a Law degree?

Good times? Meat Bingo. Don't ask.

Winnipeg is one of the only places in Canada where you can walk into a shop, be greeted in French, reply in English, and have the clerk switch linguistic gears seamlessly with no snark at all.

Enter the Festivale de Voyageur beard growing contest, and you don't have to shave for an entire year.

You can buy a 1-bedroom condo in the heart of downtown Winnipeg for about $60,000 (Canadian dollars). You can get a fixer-upper starter home for less than the price of a new luxury car.

If you get your car stuck in the snow, passers-by will help you push it out without having to ask them. It's reflex.

You know (from experience) that when a frostbite warning says "exposed skin may freeze in 1 minute or less", they mean it.

You know what the little electrical plug in the grill of the car is for.

You are surprised when you move to a different province, because places where people aren't cooped up for months have really crappy musicians.

You've eaten a Skinner's hotdog, a Goog Special from the BDI, a cheese nip from the Sal's, and washed it down with an Extra Old Stock. You know that a Fat Boy is a burger, that bannock is useless without beans, and that the best perogies come out of church basements.


from Miss Cellania

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