Fray Pascual 5

Why such a philosophical quandry over which came first, the chicken or the egg? Just eat them both at the same time.

Being bored keeps me busy.

I don't know why it's called "Stand-up comedy." I'm usually on my knees, begging for a laugh.

Better the funny farm than the fossil farm.

I used to work in heavy construction. I drove a bulldozer that had training wheels.

My brother is trilingual - he speaks Spanish in three languages.

Rembrandt used a 'smiley face' magnet to hang one of his paintings on the refrigerator.

Would a nostalgic fortune teller only predict the past?

The first acupuncturists practiced on a species of weasels. Today these animals are called porcupines.

On the ark's return trip, Noah got his license pulled for dumping animal waste. That's why it's still called "The Dead Sea."

My parents have a great relationship. My mother says "Right, you're the boss. And if you have any problems, you come to me."

My cousin lives in a gated community - San Quentin.

What he can't express in words, he makes up for by talking.

Getting older is the very cause of aging.

Ignorance is nine tenths of the law.

At the Liar's Club for Lemmings awards, Lenny took first place. He said "Trust me, I've done this a thousand times."

The runner up was Louie, who said "We all started out as elephants."

I eat whatever and whenever I want. It's my new health free diet.

I don't like to eat. It ruins my appetite.

I got fired from my last job for coming in late. I was up the whole night before writing a resignation letter.

It's unlucky to be superstitious.

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