Fray Pascual 6

We all go through different phases in our lives. I recently went through my 'revolutionary phase". Having a middle class background didn't help. The first thing I did was to go out and buy a pair of Gucci combat slippers.

I figured out how to save water and electricity at the same time. I use an electric shaver, but I don't plug it in.

I wanted to keep in shape, so I bought a rowing machine. I took it down to the lake, and it sunk like a ton of bricks.

I'm not the outdoor type - for me, camping is sleeping with the window open.

I was never good at school. The last time I took a math exam, I even got the room number wrong.

I live in a tough neighborhood. It is so tough, everyones' tattoos still have the needles in them.

I have a neighbor who is afraid of heights, so he built his balcony on the first floor.

I have another neighbor from India. I invited him over to a barbecue, and the first thing he tried to do was walk on the coals.

The newlyweds were walking out of the church. The groom's new brother-in-law whispered in his ear, "When they start throwing the rice, open your mouth - it's the last good meal you're going to get!"

A thief is someone who wants to die with your boots on.

A friend asked me if I judge people by their appearances. I answered, "It depends what they look like."

Why do we have health insurance? When I get the bill, it makes me sick.

I missed breakfast this morning. My mom prepared instant coffee, instant oatmeal and instant orange juice. I told her, "I'll be back in a minute."

Do cat burglars wear Hush Puppies?

I'm not sure about all this "organic" stuff. Adam and Eve ate organic, look where that got us.

My great great grandfather was the shortest horse thief in the old west. When they finally caught him, they hung him from a bonsai tree.

I recently quit smoking. I knew it was time to quit when I heard my guardian angel cough.