The GUY Test 11. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the Earth. You decide to:
A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart to see how it works.
2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youth do you miss the most?
C. Cherry bombs.
3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope (but not on the lips).
C. When he is your brother, you are Al Pacino, and this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.
4. What about hugging another male?
A. If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease.
B. If you're performing the Heimlich maneuver. Even in this case, you should repeatedly shout: "I am just dislodging food trapped in this man's trachea! I am not in any way aroused!"
C. If you're a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a home run to win the World Series, you may hug him provided that: he is legally within the basepath, both of you are wearing protective cups, and you fraternally pound him hard enough on the back with your fist to cause fractures.
5. Complete this sentence: A funeral is a good time to ...
A. Remember the deceased and console the loved ones.
B. Reflect upon the fleeting transience of earthly life.
C. Tell the joke about the gal who has Alzheimer's disease and AIDS.
6. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.
7. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy -- you're watching a football game; she's reading the papers when suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, she tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?
A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third and seventeen.