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Homer Simpson Quotes #1


Just call me Borders Books, 'cause I'll always be here.

I'm doing it! I'm flying like the squirrel I always knew I was!

I never leave a job unfinished. It's as true now as that week when I worked on the high school yearbook. So much infighting, I had to get outta there!

Oh, my God! Space Aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids! Eat them!

Like Mozart and Johnny Knoxville, my genius cannot be stopped!

I'm trying to be a sensitive father, you unwanted moron!

It kills me to see her like that, and if there's one thing I can't stand, it's being killed.

When we got married, I promised you a life full of romance. Now, here it is.

I thought this was an inocuous lunch, but now it's become terribly ocuous!

I never realized! Some restaurants are better than others!

You can't spell lousy without "us".

A marriage so perfect that I can take it for granted for years, suddenly explodes! What do I do? What do I do?

Marriage is so tough! Every second it could explode catastrophically! Makes me want to not come home from my job at the nuclear plant.

This is the most deliious analogy I've ever eaten!

Once again, by eating alone I have saved my marriage!

I can't start the day without that "Fresh from the Circus" feeling!

If I can't find my father a man to kiss and cuddle, then I've failed as a son!

America can't collapse! We're as powerful as ancient Rome!

Look at me, I'm flying like Superman's dog!

I have been acting like telethon Jerry Lewis when I should have been acting like rest-of-the-year Jerry Lewis.

And didn't the Easter bunny himself say, "Forgive them father, for finding all my eggs?"

I hate Traffic. The band AND the phenomenon!

Oh, why do my actions have consequences?

I'm about to go owl shooting, and you just said "Whoo".

I love going to aquatic parks. Sure, they have worse rides than amusement parks, less fish than aquariums, but the parking is ample!

Thank goodness it's TGIF!

Marge, I thought this was an inocuous lunch, but it's become terribly ocuous!

When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle - they're on TV!

Bingo! I love that game, but I can't remember what to say when you win.

Ah, alcohol. The cause of, and the solution to, all of life's problems. (thanks to Nate Komo)

What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.

Lisa, vampires are make believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.

Save me, Jeebus!

Facts are meaningless - you could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!

I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!

Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food.

I don't hate your mother, I just won't be sad when she dies.

You're selling milk, JJ, and I've got a sour stomach.

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain - remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

Who are you? Why am I here? I want answers now or I want them eventually!

Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene'.

I'm a 'Spalding Gray' in a 'Rick Dees' world. there anything they can't do?

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything!

That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!

You know those balls that they put on car antennas so you can find them in the parking lot? Those should be on every car!

Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex! It's also the food preparation.

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well...all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!

It's like something out of that "twilighty" show about that zone.

Marge, you being a cop makes you the man - which makes me the woman; and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which (as we discussed) is strictly a comfort thing.

Whenever Marge turns on one of her "non-violent" programs, I take a walk. I go to a bar, I pound a few, then I stumble home in the mood for love...

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England!

I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.

Without our immigrants, who will kick our field goals, or train our white tigers?

Majestic eagle! Just like me, but ashamed of his baldness.

Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close!

Beer - now THERE'S a temporary solution.