Male Definitions

Alimony - Bounty after the mutiny or the cash surrender value of a husband or a system where two people make a mistake but one of them continues to pay for it or the high cost of leaving or the screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Beauty - The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband or feminine of intellect.

Bed - The place where marriages are decided.

Child - Love's by-product or one who stands halfway between an adult and the TV.

Criminal - Someone who gets caught.

Expert - One who has focused all his ignorance on to one subject or one who avoids the small errors as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy or a person who can take something you already know and make it sound confusing.

Gentleman - One who does not tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.

Hers - His

Male - a member of the unconsidered, or negligible sex. The male of the human race is commonly known (to the female) as "Mere Man". The genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.

Neurotic - Anybody who thinks you mean it when you ask how he is.

Optimist - One who believes that good arises out of evil, and that there is no evil or a bridegroom who thinks he has no bad habits.

Respectability - The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account.

Sexism - Maintaining that the sexes are equal.

Sorrow - The future tense of love.

Wealth - Any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.

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