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Quotes About Sex

PG rated at worst!



I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax. - Scott Roeben

Anyone who says that gratuitous sex is no substitute for gratuitous violence obviously hasn't had enough gratuitous sex. - Geoff Spear

I love sex. It's free and doesn't require special shoes. - Anonymous

Sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing. - Charles Bukowski

Despite a lifetime of service to the cause of sexual liberation, I have never caught venereal disease, which makes me feel rather like an Arctic explorer who has never had frostbite. - Germaine Greer

I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it. - Anonymous

For me, love is very deep, but sex only has to go a few inches. - Stacy Nelkin

Housework is like bad sex. Every time I do it I swear I will never do it again. Until the next time company comes. - Marilyn Sokol

During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else. - Richard Lewis

There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be. - Norman Mailer

The only difference between friends and lovers is about four minutes. - Scott Roeben

It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean. - Mae West

There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that. - Lewis Grizzard

For flavor, instant sex will never supercede the stuff you have to peel and cook. - Quentin Crisp

Nothing makes you forget about love like sex. - Staci Beasley

I read so many bad things about sex that I had to give up reading. - Anonymous

Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them. - Kevin Costner

I'm a great lover, I'll bet. - Emo Philips

Just saying 'no' prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day' cures chronic depression. - Faye Wattleton

I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible. - Leslie Nielsen

I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection. She pulled a switchblade on me. - Scott Roeben

Science is a lot like sex. Sometimes something useful comes of it, but that's not the reason we're doing it. - Richard Feynman

Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing. - Phyllis Diller

One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other. - Jane Austen

If sex doesn't scare the cat, you're not doing it right. - Anonymous

Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn. - Garrison Keillor

I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic and the others give me a stiff neck or lockjaw. - Tallulah Bankhead

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework. - Bill Cosby

I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. — Woody Allen

A dirty book is rarely dusty. - Anonymous

Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. - George Burns

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table - Rodney Dangerfield

Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands. - Jayne Mansfield

Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken. - Anonymous

Sex on TV can't hurt you, unless you fall off. - Anonymous

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. - Billy Crystal

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither. - Steve Martin

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. — Woody Allen

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. - Abraham Lincoln

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. - P J O’Rourke

Women work on their looks, not their minds, because they know men are dumb, not blind. - Anonymous

If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. That way you'll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. - Anonymous

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. - Tom Clancy

Sex appeal is fifty percent what you've got and fifty percent what people think you've got. - Sophia Loren

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead. - Garry Shandling

Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is out of your price range. - Scott Roeben