World's Funniest Joke Acronyms Workers' Comp Air Traffic Controllers Andy Rooney Bad Analogies Bad Literature Baseball Injuries Business Facts Lessons of Children Children's Books Chris Berman Shortest Books Daffynitions Bumper Stickers Jerry Coleman College Cute Jokes Computer Tech Calls Doctor's Reports Giving Pets Pills Dog Training Cat Memory Dog Memory Drunk? Einstein Quotes Elevator Fun Etch-A-Sketch Fired Fray Pascual Fried Rice Recipe Funny or Not? True Facts Health Facts Real Facts NOT Real Facts Strange Gifts Gender Specific Great To Be Alive Guy Walks Into A Bar Computer Haiku Not Hallmark Headlines Henny Youngman Homer Simpson Huh? In-flight Humor Insanity Helpers Insults Math Lessons Bad Resumes Welfare Stories |
Yogi Berra Quotes
A Selection of Good Ones! If you don't know where you're going, chances are you will end up somewhere else. (When bumped by a man carrying a grandfather clock) Why can't you wear a watch like everybody else? (thanks to MKNZ) I really didn't say everything I said. If you ask me a question I don't know, I'm not going to answer. It ain't the heat; it's the humility. It's deja-vu all over again. You should always go to other people's funerals. Otherwise they won't come to yours. The only reason I need these gloves is 'cause of my hands. You can't think and hit at the same time. If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be. If I didn't wake up, I'd still be sleeping. The other teams could make trouble for us if they win. I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early. If you can't imitate him, don't copy him. Never answer an anonymous letter. 90% of the game is half mental. It's never happened in the World Series history - and it hasn't happened since. I'm as red as a sheet. It's not too far, it just seems like it is. If you don't set goals, you can't regret not reaching them. Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting. We were overwhelming underdogs. A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded. You mean now? (When asked for the time.) We have a good time together, even when we're not together. Little League baseball is a good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets and the kids out of the house. The future ain't what it used to be. If you come to a fork in the road, take it. Pair up in threes. Don't get me right, I'm just asking. I wish I had an answer to that, because I'm tired of answering that question. You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough in the second half you give what's left. 90% of short putts don't go in. We made too many wrong mistakes. Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself. (After being told he looked cool.) We're lost, but we're making great time! If people don't want to come to the ball park, how are you going to stop them? How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don't know how to spell my name. (Upon receiving a check from Jack Buck made out to "Bearer".) I'd say he's done more than that. (When asked if first baseman Don Mattingly had exceeded expectations for the current season.) He can run anytime he wants. I'm giving him the red light. (On the acquisition of Rickey Henderson.) I knew exactly where it was, I just couldn't find it. If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else. You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there. The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase. You better cut the pizza in four pieces. I'm not hungry enough to eat eight. I don't know, I'm not in shape yet. (When asked what size cap he wanted.) I want to thank you for making this day necessary. (On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in 1947.) I don't remember leaving, so I guess we didn't go. I'd find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I'd return it. (When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars.) I usually take a two hour nap, from one to four. Steve McQueen looks good in this movie. He must have made it before he died. It gets late early out there. (Referring to the sun conditions in left field at the stadium.) It was hard to have a conversation with anyone - there were too many people talking. I always thought that record would stand until it was broken. Texas has a lot of electrical votes. (During an election campaign - after George Bush stated that Texas was important to the election.) You can observe a lot just by watching. No, you didn't wake me up. I had to get up to answer the phone anyway. I really liked it. Even the music was good. (When asked if he liked the opera one evening.) Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel. Shut up and talk. Once, Yogi's wife Carmen asked, "Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?" To this, Yogi replied, "Surprise me." Carmen said "I took Tim to see Doctor Zhivago today." Yogi replied, "What the hell's wrong with him now?" |
Interview Fun One Liners Learn This! Real Acronyms Light Bulbs Not A Kid Anymore Wrong Lyrics Experience Mall Facts Answering Machines Men's Rules American Barbecue Men vs. Women Never The Odds The Real Odds Are You Old? Oxymorons Palindromes Pickup Lines How To Change Oil Politically Correct Pool Ball Pregnant Men Company Christmas Party Proverbs Puns Yum! Quesadillas! Famous Quotes Rita Rudner Science Fun Yogi Berra Signs School Excuses Snow Shoveler Country Songs State Mottos Stir Fry Recipe Telemarketers Crisis Thoughts Teen Poverty Wal-Mart Fun Sick Employees What Women Say What Women Want Why? The Woman's Code Women Employees Work Thoughts Ralph Wiggum Employee Handbook Steven Wright Funny2 Philosophy |