Longer Jokes and Stories 3

A man was driving down the street in a sweat because he had a very important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven, he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place, I will go to church every Sunday and quit drinking!"

Just then, a parking place appeared - the closest one imaginable.

The man looked up again and said, "Never mind, I just found one."
(thanks to Tim Garcia)


An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side. He told the jeweler he wanted a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and found a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something much more special."

The jeweler went to his special stock in the safe and brought another ring back. "This one's $40,000." The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man said, "I'll take it!"

The jeweler asked how payment would be made, and the old man said, "By check, but I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday to verify funds. I'll pick up the ring on Monday afternoon."

Monday morning, the jeweler called the old man saying, "There's no money in that account!"

The old man said, "I know, but let me tell you about my weekend!"
(thanks to Bob Fluty and Sue Cote)


"Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?" "Yes, What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor Virgil Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search each log in the the wood pile and find nothing; frustrated, they get axes and split open every piece of wood but still find no marijuana. They mutter obscenities and sneer at Virgil and finally leave.

Shortly after, the phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil, this here's Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood for the winter?" "Yep!" "Happy Birthday, buddy!"
(thanks to Anthony L. Lorenz)