Mitch Hedberg
World's Funniest Joke
Wiki-PIE-dia
Acronyms
Workers' Comp
Air Traffic Controllers
Andy Rooney
Bad Analogies
Bad Literature
Baseball Injuries
Business Facts
Lessons of Children
Children's Books
Chris Berman
Shortest Books
Daffynitions
Bumper Stickers
Jerry Coleman
College
Cute Jokes
Computer Tech Calls
Doctor's Reports
Giving Pets Pills
Dog Training
Points of View
Cat Memory
Dog Memory
Drunk?
Einstein Quotes
Elevator Fun
Etch-A-Sketch
Palindromes
Pickup Lines
Fired
Fried Rice Recipe
Funny or Not?
True Facts
Health Facts
Real Facts
NOT Real Facts
Fortune Cookie Prank
Gender Specific
Great To Be Alive
Guy Walks Into A Bar
Computer Haiku
Not Hallmark
Headlines
Henny Youngman
Hollywood Squares
Homer Simpson
Huh?
Human Body Facts
In-flight Humor
Insanity Helpers
Insults
Math Lessons
Stories
Stages of Life
Bad Resumes
You're not a kid anymore when...
Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make whoopee" and you answer "Pick one, I can't do both!"
You enjoy watching the washer and dryer in action. (thanks to Larry the K)
You stop lying about your age and you start bragging about it.
Your friends compliment you on your alligator shoes, but you're barefoot.
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
You're cautioned to "slow down" - not by the police but by your doctor!
You are getting a little action today - but that means the fiber is working.
You think "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
You think an "all-nighter" is not having to get up to pee.
A sexy woman walks by and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
You're the life of the party, even if it lasts until 8 PM.
You're smiling all the time because you can't hear a thing anyone is saying.
You're very good at telling stories over and over and over and over.
You're aware that other people's grandchildren are not as cute as yours.
You're very good at opening childproof caps (with a hammer).
You're not grouchy; you just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, and politicians.
You're wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just your left leg.
You're having trouble remembering simple words like...
You're a walking storeroom of facts - you've just lost the key to the storeroom door.
Everything either dries up or leaks.
You realize that aging is not for wimps.
You enjoy watching the news.
The phone rings and you hope it's not for you.
The only reason you're still awake at 4 am is indigestion.
People ask what color your hair USED to be.
You're proud of your lawn mower.
Your best friend is dating someone half their age AND isn't breaking any laws.
You start singing along with the elevator music.
You really do want a new washing machine for your birthday.
Your car has four doors.
You routinely check the oil in your car.
You've owned clothes so long that they've gone back into style - TWICE.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
8 AM is your idea of "sleeping in".
You don't remember when you got that mole or the one next to it.
You write thank you notes without being told.
Neighbors borrow your tools.
You answer a question with, "Because I said so!"
Others ask for your recipes.
You start Christmas shopping in August.
You paint your apartment walls for a reason other than getting your deposit back.
You don't like to drive after dark.
You say the words, "Turn that music down!"
You wear black socks with sandals.
You can live without sex but not without your glasses.
You point out what buildings used to be where.
You know all the warning signs of a heart attack.
You rake the yard without being told to.
You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.
© 2010 compiled from many sources by Howard Daughters
Laugh Lines
Bad Newspaper
Bad Restaurant
Good YouTube Vids
Good Websites
English Language
Insurance Stories
Interview Fun
One Liners
Learn This!
Real Acronyms
Light Bulbs
Not A Kid Anymore
Wrong Lyrics
Experience
Mall Facts
Answering Machines
Men's Rules
American Barbecue
Men vs. Women
Never
The Odds
The Real Odds
Are You Old?
Oxymorons
How To Change Oil
Politically Correct
Pool Ball
Pregnant Men
Company Christmas Party
Proverbs
Puns
Yum! Quesadillas!
Famous Quotes
Rita Rudner
Science Fun
Yogi Berra
Signs
School Excuses
Snow Shoveler
Country Songs
State Mottos
Stir Fry Recipe
Telemarketers
Crisis Thoughts
Teen Poverty
Wal-Mart Fun
Sick Employees
What Women Say
What Women Want
Why?
The Woman's Code
Women Employees
Work Thoughts
Ralph Wiggum
Employee Handbook
Strange Gifts
Welfare Stories
Steven Wright
Funny2 Philosophy