A Guy Goes Into A Bar #2
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A book walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Please, no stories!" (thanks to Michael Holba)
A giraffe walks into a bar. "High balls are on me!" (thanks to Robert O'Keefe)
A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar. (thanks to Louie)
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?" (thanks to Ric)
A leprechaun walks into a bar. The bartender serves him and says, "That'll be $2.50." The leprechaun puts two dollar bills on the bar and starts walking away. The barkeep shouts, "You're a little short!" (thanks to Loke Rivano Wangelin)
A man walks into a bar. OUCH! You would have thought he would have seen it! (thanks to Mark Lee)
A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says "We don't serve your kind here." and the mushroom says - "Why not? I'm a fungi."
A horse walks into a bar, across the room, up the back wall, across the ceiling, down the front wall and then up to the bar. The bartender gives the horse a beer, he drinks it and leaves. A guy sitting at the bar looks perplexed and asks the bartender "Hey, what's that all about?" The bartender replies, "Don't take it personally, he never says 'Hi' to anyone."
Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Would you like a beer?" Descartes replies, "I think not", then disappeared. (thanks to Dennis McGrath)
A Kabbalist walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
An amnesiac comes into a bar. He asks, "Do I come here often?"
John Kerry walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
A pony walks into a bar and coughs, "Hey, COUGH. Gimme a bu COUGH a beer COUGH. The bartender serves him and says, "What's with your voice?" The pony says, "Nothing, I'm just a little hoarse." (thanks to Loke Rivano Wangelin)
A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"
A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before problems start!" Again, the man orders a beer again saying, "Give me a beer before problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Ah, now the problems start!"
An old lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm. A scraggly old drunk staggers over, takes one look, and says, "Jeeeez, that's the UGLIEST thing I ever saw!" The woman turns her nose up at him and says, "This happens to be a stately creature! Go away, you horrid man!" The old drunk yells, "Lady, I was talkin' to the duck!"
A man goes into a bar with a giraffe, they both get a couple of rounds in. When they get up to leave they're extremely drunk and the giraffe passes out and falls over. The man opens the door, about to leave by himself, when the bartender stops him suddenly and says, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!" The man turns around and slurs, "Don't be silly, that's not a lion, that's a giraffe!"
A piece of rope walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind." The rope goes outside, ties himself in a knot and frays one end of himself. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says, "Weren't you just in here?" The rope replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."
An astronaut walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender serves him and then peppers him with questions about his job. Finally, the frustrated space man says, "Heh! I'm trying to relax here! Give me a little space!" The bartender answers, "Is that Uranus your Saturn on?" (thanks to Anthony L. Lorenz)