Elvis Taught Me Everything 2

Taken as a whole, the songs of Elvis contain everything from handy tips about geography ("a river flows surely to the sea") to practical travel advice (the YMCA in Memphis has cheap accommodations), right through to religious instruction ("I'm lonely like Adam, you're evil like Eve"). Here are some things we've learned from listening to Elvis.


THE ANIMAL KINGDOM

There are few looks in life more intense than that of a one-eyed cat peeping in a seafood store.

A passionate kiss can be measured by the fact that even a team of wild horses would be unable to drag apart the two participants.

The embrace of a grizzly bear provides a useful point of comparison when considering the pressure necessary to demonstrate real passion during an affair.

A good hound dog should be able to catch a rabbit.


GEOGRAPHY

People are more likely to be alone during a blue moon than during any other lunar event.

In Kentucky, precipitation usually occurs when a man is hitchhiking from town to town, having been abandoned by his baby.


MEDICAL

The lips of attractive women tend to taste like breakfast spread, in particular honey.

A temperature of 109 is quite common during the early stages of an affair.

The experience of love, especially early in life, can have serious medical consequences including sensations of itching, hand tremors, leg spasms, heart palpitations and language difficulties.


HISTORY

American soldiers were unable to approach young women in Germany in the period after the war, as local women wore signs in German saying, "Keepen Sie Off The Grass."


PHILOSOPHY

Children born in disadvantaged areas such as ghettos should receive special assistance as this reduces the likelihood of them turning to a life of crime, thus perpetuating an endless cycle of disadvantage.

A rabbit's foot, while widely considered a creator of good luck, makes only a moderate contribution to one's happiness compared to the impact of finding a good life partner.

If you suspect someone is evil check their middle name because it may well be "Misery".

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