Interesting Quotes 15

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. - Johnny Carson

Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography. - Paul Rodriguez

In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower? - Warren Hutcherson

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else. - Lily Tomlin

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire? - Marsha Warfield

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. - Mark Twain

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms." - Elayne Boosler

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. - Phyllis Diller

I think I am, therefore I am. I think. - George Carlin

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? - Jay Leno

The post office says they're raising the price of stamps by one cent because they need to upgrade their equipment. Apparently, they're going from semi-automatics to uzis... - Conan O'Brien