Mitch Hedberg
World's Funniest Joke
Wiki-PIE-dia
Acronyms
Workers' Comp
Air Traffic Controllers
Andy Rooney
Bad Analogies
Bad Literature
Baseball Injuries
Business Facts
Lessons of Children
Children's Books
Chris Berman
Shortest Books
Daffynitions
Bumper Stickers
Jerry Coleman
College
Cute Jokes
Computer Tech Calls
Doctor's Reports
Giving Pets Pills
Dog Training
Points of View
Cat Memory
Dog Memory
Drunk?
Einstein Quotes
Elevator Fun
Etch-A-Sketch
Palindromes
Pickup Lines
Fired
Fried Rice Recipe
Funny or Not?
True Facts
Health Facts
Real Facts
NOT Real Facts
Fortune Cookie Prank
Gender Specific
Great To Be Alive
Guy Walks Into A Bar
Computer Haiku
Not Hallmark
Headlines
Henny Youngman
Hollywood Squares
Homer Simpson
Huh?
Human Body Facts
In-flight Humor
Insanity Helpers
Insults
Math Lessons
Stories
Stages of Life
Bad Resumes
Here are actual excuses given by people who called in sick (from CareerBuilder.com)
Employee was poisoned by his mother-in-law.
I'm too fat to get into my work pants.
A buffalo escaped from the game reserve and kept charging the employee every time she tried to go to her car from her house.
I accidentally flushed my keys down the toilet.
Employee was feeling all the symptoms of his expecting wife.
Employee called from his cell phone, saying that he was accidentally locked in a restroom stall and that nobody was around to let him out.
I had to help deliver a baby on my way to work.
Employee broke his leg snowboarding off his roof while drunk.
Employee's wife said he couldn't come into work because he had a lot of chores to do around the house.
I cut my fingernails too short, they're bleeding and I have to go to the doctor.
One of the walls in the employee's home fell off the night before.
Employee's mother was in jail.
My wheelchair broke down.
God didn't wake me.
A skunk got into the employee's house and sprayed all of his uniforms.
Employee had a bad case of hiccups.
It's way too cold outside to leave the house.
It's way too nice outside to be in the office.
I had race tickets for Sunday's race, which was rained out, so they are running it today.
Employee blew his nose so hard that his back went out.
Employee's horses got loose and were running down the highway.
Employee was hit by a bus while walking.
Employee's dog swallowed her bus pass.
My house lock jammed, and I'm locked in.
Employee was sad.
My cow bit me.
Employee was spit on by a venomous snake.
Employee had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial.
Employee had to ship his grandmother's bones to India.
I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious.
Employee's bus broke down and was held up by robbers.I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity.
I forgot to come back to work after lunch.
I couldn't find my shoes.
I hurt myself bowling.
I totaled my wife's jeep in a collision with a cow.
My boyfriend's snake got loose and I'm afraid to leave the bedroom until he gets home.
A hit man was looking for me.
The ghosts in my house kept me up all night.
My curlers burned my hair and I had to go to the hairdresser.
I eloped.
I accidentally drove through the automatic garage door before it opened.
My brain went to sleep and I couldn't wake it up.
I was watching a guy fixing a septic pump, fell in the hole and hurt myself.
I was walking my dog and slipped on a toad in my driveway and hurt my back.
My cat unplugged my alarm clock.
I had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial.
I forgot what day of the week it was.
I forgot I was getting married today.
Someone slipped drugs in my drink last night.
A tree fell on my car.
I'm too drunk to drive to work.
My monkey died.
My son accidentally fell asleep next to wet cement in our backyard. His foot fell in and we can't get it out.
© 2010 compiled from many sources by Howard Daughters
Laugh Lines
Bad Newspaper
Bad Restaurant
Good YouTube Vids
Good Websites
English Language
Insurance Stories
Interview Fun
One Liners
Learn This!
Real Acronyms
Light Bulbs
Not A Kid Anymore
Wrong Lyrics
Experience
Mall Facts
Answering Machines
Men's Rules
American Barbecue
Men vs. Women
Never
The Odds
The Real Odds
Are You Old?
Oxymorons
How To Change Oil
Politically Correct
Pool Ball
Pregnant Men
Company Christmas Party
Proverbs
Puns
Yum! Quesadillas!
Famous Quotes
Rita Rudner
Science Fun
Yogi Berra
Signs
School Excuses
Snow Shoveler
Country Songs
State Mottos
Stir Fry Recipe
Telemarketers
Crisis Thoughts
Teen Poverty
Wal-Mart Fun
Sick Employees
What Women Say
What Women Want
Why?
The Woman's Code
Women Employees
Work Thoughts
Ralph Wiggum
Employee Handbook
Strange Gifts
Welfare Stories
Steven Wright
Funny2 Philosophy