A Man Walks Into A Bar 6A woman walks into bar and sits next to a handsome man. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together, and go back to his place and as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that a wall in his bedroom is completely filled with three shelves of soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears on three shelves carefully placed in rows and lovingly arranged. She is immediately touched by the amount of thought he had in organizing his collection, with the small bears on the bottom and the huge enormous bears along the top shelf. That such as large, masculine man should be so caring and sensitive it beyond belief. They share a bottle of wine and talk and after awhile, she thinks, 'Oh my God! maybe this is the one! The future father of my children?' They kiss, the passion builds and they make their way back to the bedroom for a night of mad passionate lovemaking. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they lie there together in the warm afterglow and she gently asks while stroking his hairy chest, 'Well, how was it?' The sensitive guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says, 'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf!' (thanks to Anthony L. Lorenz) A lesbian walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "We have a new liquor in today!" The lesbian says, "That's great! I'd love to meet her!" (thanks to George Voiland)
A really big Chia pet walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "What’ll it be?" The Chia pet says, "Anything but water!" (thanks to George Voiland)
An anagramist walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the clean fog?" (thanks to Prashant Khajotia)
A drunk walks into a bar and the bartender asks me what I want. (thanks to Joshua Hunter)
Two vegetarians walk into a bar and order drinks. Pretty soon they start arguing loudly about beans, really, and the bartender steps into settle it. "Heh," he says, "I've got no beef with either of you! Just soy long as neither of you hold a grudge, why don't you just end it now since there's not much at steak?" They both agreed and left, saying "Lettuce meat again next week over brunch." (thanks to Anthony L. Lorenz)
A man walked into a bar holding an alligator. He asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" The bartender said, "Yes, we do!" "Good," replied the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator."
A little guy walks into a bar and slips on some vomit. Minutes later a tough guy walks into the bar and slips on the vomit as well. The little guy says, "I just did that." The big guy then beats the little guy up.
A spook and a skeleton both walk into a bar and order drinks. Right off the bartender refuses the skeleton service. "Heh, why me?" asks the skeleton. The barkeep relies, "Because you can't hold your liquor!" He then turns to the spook and says, "There's not a ghost of a chance I will serve you, either!" "Careful," says the spook "that could come back to haunt you!" (thanks to Anthony L. Lorenz)
A man walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he notices Van Gogh by the jukebox. He calls over, “Hey, Van Gogh! Want a drink?” and Van Gogh replies “No, thanks. I’ve got one ‘ere.”
Celine Dion walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"
An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy." She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women." The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."