Insanity Helpers 1

In the memo field of all your checks, write "for marijuana". (thanks to Bob Morse)

Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

Sing along at the opera.

Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.

When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling "Run for your lives! They're loose!"

Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." (thanks to Bob Morse)

Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, and ask where the fitting room is.

Next time you're at a restaurant, order a diet water. (thanks to Alex Garofalo)

When someone asks you to do something, ask if they want that super-sized.

Run one lap around the office at top speed.

Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).

Ignore the first five people who say "good morning" to you.

Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."

To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".

Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

Walk sideways to the photocopier.

While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.

Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".

Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).

Shout random numbers while someone is counting.